On Creativity Or Why Cable Saps Me Of It

Have you seen TLC lately? I have. I have a sick fascination with what I lovingly call, "The Freakshow Channel". Let's talk about my favorites. Before (and after) I got married, I watched HOURS of Say Yes To the Dress including the Big Bliss spin off. I briefly flirted with Cake Boss, and Honey Boo Boo and The Little Couple. 

Lately, my favorites have been America's Worst Tattoos, Hoarders and My Crazy Obsession.

This is what the inside of my brain looks like:




Needless to say, I probably need to get a new hobby.

Recently I've decided to cut down on my flagrant misuse of my brain and eyeballs, and have decided to take my creativity back into my own hands. You see, when you are focused on a young man who REALLY wishes he were a mermaid, there is little time for other pastimes.

"What happened to your creativity?" I asked myself, tearing my bloodshot eyes away from Honey Boo Boo's Mom's Face,

"Why aren't you writing a book, or building a house, or making a food, or TALKING TO SOMEONE? That's right, Honey Boo Boo's Mom, this IS killing my brain cells!"

I'm turning over a new leaf, which, I am afraid, will mean less rest and more work. Tonight, for instance, I went to boxing class, made a coffee cake, and did the dishes and wrote a post (my first). Which is MUCH more than I would usually get done after a boxing class. I mean, my arms were so tired that my thumbs were too shaky to text, and I STILL got stuff done.

This is what I'm leaving behind.

So wish me luck on my journey! I am on the verge of, if not greatness, more betterness. As they say, more butter, more better.

Some Things That Are Not Legitimate Bullet Points, or, Apartment Hunting in Boston

JUST FYI, if you are a filthy rich landlord in Boston, and you are posting an add for your apartment on Craigslist, here are some things that you should bullet-point in your list of stuff about the apartment.

- Fee. Is there a fee? What is a fee? Why do I have to pay a fee?! WHO GETS THE MONEY?!

 $1425 / 0br - Very Spacious Sunny 0 bedroom 
Mostly Underground VERY CLOSE TO PORTER, 
some stairs(Somerville)

- Pets. I can haz cat? No? Okay.

- Utilities. Are they included? Inquiring minds want to know.

- Square footage. For most apartments in Boston, this number is not real, because the square root of a negative number does not exist.

- Number of bedrooms. 1? 2? Split? Split, like fee, is a uniquely Boston experience. It means an apartment with a kitchen, bathroom, and two rooms. One could use the apartment as a one-bedroom with a living room, or as a roommate situation for starving students/young adults/middle-aged adults with student loans.

- Number of bathrooms. Hint: if there is fewer than one bathroom, it's not a one-bedroom apartment. Even if it's listed as one.

Leprechauns. I TOLD YOU.

- Porch. I want to know if there's a porch. Porches, from what I understand, are where the magic happens. I imagine leprechauns have something to do with this.

- Floor. Is it on the first floor? Second floor? Fifth story walkup? Is there even a floor? (I'll take a clean tarp as a substitute.)

Here are some things that I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN that are, I argue, not legitimate bullet points.

- THIS APARTMENT WILL GO FAST. (That is your subjective opinion. It also loses its je ne sais quoi if it's posted on twelve listings in a row.)

 $1650 1 br - Very Spacious Sunny 1 bedroom
GREAT VIEW Downtown, Some exposed Brick,
occasional weather/pigeon issues (Boston)

- Close to transportation. (Now, this one is tricky. It could mean "close to the red line!" or it could also mean "half a mile from your own car!")

- Internet and Cable Ready. (Most apartments/houses/cars/phones/sidewalks/pets are. Or can be shortly.)

- Refrigerator. (OH GOOD.)

Annnnnd my favorite bullet point:

- Do not miss out.

Which isn't even a thing.

Thank you, Craigslist.